Pet peeves – Hive and Nest

Today I was driving around running errands (the single reason why Saturday exists) when I stopped near a corner store that advertised on the ugly sign out front that they offer homemade cookies. Now, unless someone is squatting in the back room of the mini mart, I’m guessing that the cookies they sell are not literally homemade. The dough was made in a factory someplace, then baked up at the store. How is that homemade? (It’s not.) And that is a huge pet peeve of mine. While the cookies might be made from scratch, they were not made at somebody’s house.

Do you know what are some of my other pet peeves? Let me tell you.

Businesses that are spelled wrong on purpose. Spelling your hair salon “Klassy Kuts” doesn’t make me want to get my hair done there. Just the opposite, in fact. To take it a step further, I try not to patronize any establishment that uses a -z on the end of its name instead of an -s. (“Klassy Kutz”, for example.) I will vocally make booing and hissing noises if the name ends with -zz. (“Klassy Kutzz”) Do people think misspelling is cute?

Women calling each other “chica”. I have no explanation for this. I just can’t stand it.

People who blow their noses then check out the residue in their tissues. Friends, why oh why do you want to see your boogers? (I can’t tell you how often I’ve seen people do this at the pulpit in church. For real!)

When I give my order to the guy at the drive thru, then I say, “that’s it”, and he asks if I’d like anything else. What part of “that’s it” doesn’t make sense?

People who think that quotation marks are another form of underlining. This is always funniest at restaurants:

Try our “fresh” seafood specials!
You’ll “love” our chicken soup!

People who say they, “just can’t cook”. Or “just can’t make cookies”. This isn’t like getting a 1600 on your SAT. If you can get a printer to print, or register your car at the DMV, or play solitaire then you can follow a recipe. With so many fantastic recipes available online, you have no excuse not to have a few sure things in your arsenal. Saying you “can’t cook” is a sad, sad copout. Just admit you’re too lazy/intimidated/would rather watch TV and get over it. The best way to learn to cook and bake is . . . to cook and bake.

And my ultimate #1 pet peeve: when I’m in a public bathroom with many stalls, and someone uses the stall right next to me. People, there needs to be at least one buffer stall. I get stage fright in public bathrooms and I freeze up with an audience. For the love of everything holy, please give me some space!

How about you? What are your pet peeves?